Have you ever felt extreme longing that you want to burst into tears? Well I had. Not for a thing not for a person but for a being beyond explanation and my imagination.
This morning was just as ordinary as the other mornings I’ve had. I did my routine and prepared to go to work. I rode a jeepney (transportation in Philippines), sat on my favorite spot and enjoy the usual flow of the rushing road.
I passed a small church and I heard a very familiar tune. I know what that tune was for, I know its lyrics word per word. They are having a Novena. I got teary eyed that moment because it hit me. It all came back, the memories of one of the milestones in my life.
As most of you might not know, I graduated BS Accountancy at a local college here in the Philippines. Honestly I didn’t like the course but as I advanced I have learned to love it. I felt that my study is not finish until I take Local Board Exam and pass it. Right after graduation I enrolled on a review class, I enjoyed it and on the month before the exams I decided to live in a dormitory.
There are lots of churches near the place I live and the school I was going but one particular church is closest to my heart. It is the parish of St. Jude Thaddeus. He is the patron saint of things most despaired of and most of the aspiring CPA (title for exam passers) go there to pray, ask help. So I too went there almost every day. I memorized all the songs on the novena, I was very dedicated. So many things happened to me, it will be a novel if I tell it all. I didn’t pass but sure it made a mark to my life.
I titled this blog “Closer” because the moment I heard the novena song I felt miles apart from God. I know He’s always by my side but I know I’ve been neglecting him. I didn’t pray as much as I do before. I’m not talking to Him as often as I did before. I am an ungrateful daughter and it hurts me because I let my busy schedule interfere my devotion. This Lenten season I did sacrifices but still I feel it is not enough. I don’t do sacrifices before but I pray a lot, I guess it’s better to talk to Him than hurt myself in doing penitence. I feel closer when I share my feelings and insights on my day to day experiences even though I know he watches me and He already knows what I am telling Him. I need to gather myself and be back to my spot beside God.
Lesson learned: Act now before it hit you because it might hit so hard that may not be able to handle it.